I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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