Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
