I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I understand Curling. That high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
