Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
