So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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