I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
