just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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