READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
