This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
