Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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