Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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