I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
