apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I only lived at night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
