Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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