he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
