When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
