I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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