Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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