Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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