i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
