he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
