she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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