I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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