They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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