Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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