It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
