I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
