Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
