You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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