u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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