So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
