Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
