Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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