i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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