Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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