Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
