no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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