mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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