I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Im part way to drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
