I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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