Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
