I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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