I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
