My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm like, not good at living.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
