I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
