Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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