sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
