apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The uberlube is also flammable
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
