if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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