idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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