so that wasnt chicken after all
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
