Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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