okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
