My room smells like vodka and shame
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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